


this fire (it burns)

by arashianelf



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 17:17:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6124009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arashianelf/pseuds/arashianelf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fire reminds Sho of many things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this fire (it burns)

**Author's Note:**

> For tegoshige, part of the je-united gift fic event :)

Fire reminds Sho of many things. It reminds him of long evenings spent with his mother, the warmth of her hands, the smile on her face. It reminds him of screams echoing in the still night air, the roaring heat surrounding him, from him, a pair of brown doe eyes. Sho loves fire, but hates it at the same time.

Sho is five when he makes a flickering flame appear around his body. There is shattered glass in front of him, and his mother comes and hugs him, and does not get burnt. That is the first time Sho learns of his ability.

Sho remembers many things from the lessons his mother gave him. He remembers cheering on his mother as she made shapes appear in the air, a dragon, a bird, anything he could think of, remembers making a tiny butterfly appear and make it fly, eventually letting it dissipate into nothing but smoke. But the one lesson that he cannot forget no matter how hard he tries, is that getting angry is a catalyst for the loss of control over the wild thing that is fire. 

Through his mother, Sho meets Satoshi. Satoshi isn't a firestarter like he is, but he is an empath, capable of sensing and influencing what others are feeling. It is the latter part of that ability that Satoshi is introduced to Sho. The older boy will help to keep Sho calm if he ever goes into a rage.

Seeing Satoshi's absent-minded manner, Sho thinks that Satoshi won't need to do anything as he radiates tranquility even when he's not focusing on anything.

After Sho meets Satoshi, he develops a routine. Every day before they go about their day, Satoshi infuses a jade pendant with so much tranquility that it becomes a temporary calming object, and puts it into a pouch.

Sho brings the pouch everywhere he goes, in case he is unable to control his temper and Satoshi is not there to calm him down. They experimented a few times before they realised that infusing objects with tranquility worked as a stopgap measure for emergency situations where Sho couldn't control his flames.

Sho meets Nino and Masaki shortly after both he and Satoshi enter college. Nino is a technopath, and Masaki is a healer.

When Sho first learns about Masaki's ability, the first thought he has is that he should have met him earlier. If he had met the energetic boy earlier... Sho shakes his head free of that train of thought. It still wouldn't have helped.

Sho is introduced to Jun by Masaki, who shares a few classes with the younger. Jun has the abilities of teleportation and telekinesis, Masaki informs him excitedly. Sho nods along to what Masaki is saying, before turning to Jun and formally introduce himself.

"Hello, my name is Saku-", is all Sho gets out before he's met with a very familiar pair of brown doe eyes. A pair of eyes that are infinitely unforgettable.

 

After all, it is that pair of eyes that stars in his nightmares.

-

Sho is ten when he makes a mistake that will haunt him for the rest of his life. His parents, even Satoshi, tells him that it's not his fault, but Sho knows deep down that whatever they're saying isn't true.

He was the one that started the fire, after all. He knows best what happened, and he drowns in guilt every day because of it.

It is also the secondary reason that Sho carries around Satoshi's tranquility jade pendant, because without it, he suffers from anxiety attacks. The pendant allows him to interact like a normal person without panicking.

He can still hear the screams in the air, the crackle of the fire, and the helplessness he felt even as he panicked. He can still feel the heat around him, as the fire he had created from his own hands ran away from him.

He can still see the news broadcast in his mind, repeating 'Large fire kills three in a residential area, leaves eight year old orphan' over and over and a pair of doe brown eyes belonging to a young boy, searching frantically for his family, calling for his parents and his sister repeatedly, even as Sho is brought crying hysterically away from the scene of the fire, after Satoshi has blanketed him with waves and waves of tranquility.

-

Standing in front of the very person whose family's deaths he caused, Sho falters for a short moment, before continuing with his introduction. "I'm Sakurai Sho," Sho says. He searches that pair of eyes for any sign of recognition, but there's no sign. "Matsumoto Jun," the other introduces himself, shaking Sho's outstretched hand.

As soon as introductions are done and over with, Sho excuses himself saying that he has another class to get to, which is true, but it's still an hour before he has to turn up for it. He takes that hour to lock himself in a toilet cubicle just as he feels the beginnings of an anxiety attack creeping up on him.

He makes a desperate grab for the pendant in his bag. When he has sufficiently calmed down, Sho wonders to himself out loud, "What am I going to do now?"

In the end, his plan of action is to avoid Matsumoto for as long as possible, not wanting to take the risk of Matsumoto finding out who he is and upsetting Masaki. That plan backfires on him, however, when Matsumoto starts showing up wherever he is, wanting to get to know him.

The more they interact on a daily basis, the more Sho realises that Matsumoto is getting more and more friendly with him, which means that it's getting harder to avoid the younger, especially since he knows how to teleport. It doesn't help that Sho is beginning to treat Ju-Matsumoto as one of his friends unconsciously instead of pushing him away.

It especially doesn't help when Sho realises that he's actually starting to like Jun romantically. And the thing is, Sho has the sneaking suspicion that Jun likes him too. He stares at himself in the mirror in his apartment, wondering what to do with himself.

When Sho starts having unsure thoughts, he goes to Satoshi. Satoshi understands him best, and usually knows what Sho should do.

As it is, Satoshi tells him, Jun will be confessing to him soon. Sho had better tell him the truth before that. That's the thing though, Sho doesn't know how to tell him. He doesn't want to lose his friendship with Jun, and that makes it hard for him to spit the words out.

However, he knows he has to, and so he prepares himself to tell Jun.

-

Every time Sho meets up with Jun, he tries to get the words out, but always, at the sight of Jun's happy expressions, the words get stuck in his throat.

He doesn't want to ruin the impression Jun has of him, doesn't want to see disgust and hate mar his face, doesn't want to hear what Jun has to say about the person who killed his family.

It isn't until a warm autumn afternoon that the secret spills out. Jun had called Sho, asking if he was free to go out. Sho had agreed and now they were walking side by side in a park near their college. Sho knows what's going to happen.

When they reach the park, they walk to a large tree near the park's pond, and Jun turns to Sho. Sho speaks before Jun can say anything.

"Before you say anything, Jun, I have something to tell you."

The story comes out in bits and pieces. It begins with a young firestarter boy losing control of his temper and accidentally setting fire to an apartment building, a fire that killed three and left a young boy an orphan. It ends with Sho watching as Jun's eyes slowly become deader, colder the longer he speaks.

It ends with Jun teleporting away on the spot, something he's never done before. Sho sighs, and blinks the tears in his eyes away. It's no use crying over something that wasn't meant to be. He stays by the pond for a while longer, before sighing and making his way back to his apartment.

After that, Sho never sees Jun around any more. Masaki never mentions Jun in front of Sho, and Satoshi is becoming worried from what he's sensing from Sho.

I'm fine, Sho tells everyone. It's the magic of something that is called compartmentalizing. It's extremely effective and has helped Sho out multiple times before.

But Satoshi can see his eyes losing that spark that so defines what Sho is, and can feel the emotions draining out of Sho. He knows what is happening. Sho is losing his fire.

-

Sho remembers one lesson above all others, even above the one where he cannot allow himself to fly into a rage. He remembers his mother telling him, _Don't ever lose sight of the one thing that is the most important to you, Sho. The moment you lose sight of it, your fire will go out._

Sho remembers asking his mother what happens when his fire, the one he can feel in his heart, goes out, and all his mother says is _you lose yourself._

Sho remembers that lesson, and as he feels his heart go cold, feels his thoughts slipping away, he understands what his mother had been trying to say. Then again, that was before the incident happened, before Sho realised that he was the reason three people died and Jun became an orphan.

From the day Sho's fire is extinguished in his heart, he never leaves the apartment. All he does is lie in bed, with no temptation to eat or drink. From the day Sho's heart goes cold, Sakurai Sho ceases to exist, and all that remains is a shell filled with guilt and with no want to live.

Satoshi, Nino and Masaki all come by and knock on his door, Satoshi the most of all. He's the one that has known Sho the best, after all, and doesn't want to see his best friend willingly give up on his life like this. Nino uses his technopathic ability to try and get Sho up and moving, but he gives no reaction.

It isn't until the sixth day that Sho has holed himself up in his apartment that something happens. Sho is woken up by a cold hand touching his forehead, and opens his eyes to see Jun. But that can't be, Jun doesn't want anything to do with him, shouldn't have anything to do with him.

He convinces himself that it's an illusion, that he's dreaming, and the illusion of Jun mutters, "What have you done to yourself, Sho-kun?" Since it's an illusion, he reasons, he can answer, right? Sho smiles, and says, "Exactly what I deserve," before he falls back asleep.

He wakes up to the smell of coffee in the air. He frowns to himself, wondering how anyone could be in here. He locked the door, and the only person that could get in here doesn't want to see his face again. That thought is quickly crushed when Jun walks into the room carrying a cup of coffee.

Sho sputters. "W-what are you doing here?"

Jun looks up from where he's scrolling on his phone. "Ah, you're awake. Want some coffee?"

"What are you doing here?" Sho repeats. 

"Satoshi told me to check on you, so here I am," Jun replies.

Sho looks at Jun who returns his gaze without any sign of disgust or hate. "Don't you hate me?"

Jun shakes his head. "Satoshi explained to me what happened on that night. I don't blame you at all."

"Not at all? Not even a little bit?"

Jun shakes his head and smiles. "Well, maybe a little, but I think you expected that right?"

Sho looks unbelievably confused. "Why don't you hate me? I killed your family!" he exclaims.

"My family died in an accident that was no one's fault. You're still the Sho I got to know, and the Sho I fell in love with," Jun replies calmly.

Sho is at a loss of what to say, but the fire in his heart re-ignites with sputters and sparks. He creates the dragon that his mother did for him when he was a child, something he couldn't do while his fire was lost.

"You're not afraid of this?" Sho asks, letting the dragon fly around the room. Jun watches the dragon fly around before disappearing into smoke, and shakes his head.

"It's okay," Jun says when he sees Sho's disbelieving expression, and smiles, "I'll don't mind helping you understanding my decisions for a long time to come."

He doesn't know why Jun decided to forgive him, but he'll take what he can get. Sho nods, and the fire in his heart roars back to life.

-

Fire reminds Sho of many things. It reminds him of long evenings spent with his mother, the warmth of her hands, the smile on her face. It reminds him of screams echoing in the still night air, the roaring heat surrounding him, from him, a pair of brown doe eyes. Sho loves fire, but hates it at the same time.

However, thanks to Jun, he's beginning to not hate it any more.

**Author's Note:**

> Not entirely pleased with how I wrapped things up, but it’s the best I could think of. Hope y'all liked it!
> 
> Satoshi – Empath; Kazu – Technopath; Masaki – Healer; Jun - Telekinesis/Teleportation; Sho – Firestarter


End file.
